I know I've mentioned a few times that my job is ending in a few months. Most days I really don't feel very stressed about this at all but when I look at available jobs from home I start feeling like I'm about to have an anxiety attack. They mostly look boring and pay far less than what I was making which wasn't a high income to begin with. So mostly I don't look. Great solution, right?? So I thought what better way to waste time and procrastinate on my job search than to make up a list of (fake) jobs I'd like to have and would qualify for.
Note: These are not serious. Unless you want to hire me. Then I'm serious.
1. Shadow Man Destroyer. See previous post. If you live far away I could email you ideas on how to get rid of such a thing or at least entertain you and/or your child (most likely your child) until it goes away. Or if you lived close enough I could show up at your house in an "official" uniform and do some kind of elaborate routine to hopefully trick your child into believing it was gone. Yippee!!
2. Talking about my kids all day. I'm really great at this. And really, who doesn't want to hear several hours worth of why my kids are so great?
3. Master Procrastinator. I'm pretty sure this post is proof enough that I have a lot of talent in this area.
4. Teaching workshops on how not to make or keep friends. Another hidden talent I have. Oh I talk to everyone I see and things are usually going great, "Oh, you have kids? I have kids too. You like eating food? Me too! We have so much in common" until I throw up some freak flag like "I gave birth to my child at home and like using cloth diapers and breastfeeding for 50 million years" or something equally out there. Every once in a while some weirdo still keeps talking to me, most likely because they have nothing better to do, and we become friends. In that case I have to pull out a trick like saying we should get together 500 times and never following through on it and forgetting to call them or email them for many months at a time. Yeah. I'm a pretty poopy friend and with my help you could be too!
5. Tea taste tester. I'm obsessed with tea lately. Hot herbal tea, iced tea, green tea, bubble tea. Mmmm...tea. I could branch out and be a taste tester for other things too like beer or wine or chocolate.
6. Writing pointless blog entries. Does your blog say too much that people might be interested in? No problem! Let me have at it for a few days and I can make yours look like the diary of an insane person too.
7. Toy assembler. I've had a lot of practice at this. A lot. I worked as a babysitter through college and a nanny for a year after and those families always left toys for me to assemble so I had lots of practice before my tots even came along. And I actually like doing that stuff. It's a sickness.
8. Research Queen I leave no question unanswered. Anything I wonder about I must look up right away. I never buy anything without reading 500,000 reviews first. I actually enjoy doing things like literature searches. Have I mentioned that I'm odd?
9. Breastfeeding cheerleader! I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know about breastfeeding and a lot of things you didn't want to know too :-)
10. Just being me. Because I'm obviously so fabulous that someone should have started paying me for that a long time ago :-)
Kind of related to this post, but seriously -- Ever thought about becoming a Zumba instructor? It's so much fun. It's like getting paid to exercise. You set your own hours for the most part, they send you DVDs with new routines every other month, and it's fun. I was teaching 5 classes per week at one point and making btwn $25-40 per class.
ReplyDeleteLOL! You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!! But Seriously, I have it on good authority that the Air Base is kickin back up again. Look us GS jobs and see if there is anything there. Oh and what about part time nanny? Or you like me where most times my own kids are enough for the day
ReplyDeleteZumba is fun but I think I lack the skills to teach it. Unless people are looking to lose weight by laughing at me :-)
ReplyDeleteI have actually thought about doing childcare if I can't find anything else that looks good. I wouldn't mind having another kid around Alora's age around part of the time. It could be fun. Or drive me insane. Most likely both some days. LOL!
i'm not sure if i should admit to this, but we are *too* much alike! :P
ReplyDeletelol and definitely VERY rotten for each other.